What We All Need

My counselor introduced me to something called Circle of Security Parenting.

It’s often used to help parents understand what children need emotionally, but as we talked about it, I

couldn’t stop thinking…

Although Circle of Security Parenting is most often used to strengthen parent-child relationships, I believe

its principles can enrich every relationship—from marriages and friendships to caring for aging parents,

supporting adult children, and encouraging someone through a difficult season.

Maybe every one of us, no matter our age, is looking for the very same thing.

Maybe we never outgrow the need to know that someone is in our corner.

A safe place.

Someone who listens without trying to fix us.

Someone who celebrates our victories, no matter how small.

Someone who encourages us when we’re afraid.

Someone who welcomes us back when life falls apart.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized something.

Some of the people who have impacted my life the most weren’t the ones who had all the answers.

They were the ones who made me feel safe.

And that made me ask myself an important question.

Am I becoming that kind of person for someone else?

A Lesson That Started in Rehab

When I went to inpatient rehabilitation after my knee replacement surgery, I thought my job was simply to heal.

Every day was filled with therapy, pain, exhaustion, and learning to trust my new knee.

But something else was happening that I didn’t recognize until much later.

I began noticing people.

Not just seeing them.

Really seeing them.

I noticed the woman whose speech became a little clearer each day.

I noticed the man who found the courage to stand when he wasn’t sure he could.

I noticed the people who looked discouraged after difficult therapy sessions.

Sometimes all I offered was a smile.

Sometimes it was a few encouraging words.

Sometimes it was simply sitting beside someone and listening.

When I left rehab, several patients thanked me for encouraging them.

I remember thinking,

“But I didn’t really do anything.”

Looking back now…

Maybe I did.

Maybe what they remembered wasn’t my words.

Maybe they simply remembered how I made them feel.

Sometimes All It Takes Is a Hello

A few weeks later, I was riding the shuttle to physical therapy.

There were only a handful of us on the bus, and I’ve gotten into the habit of greeting the other passengers whenever I get on.

That morning, one woman caught my attention.

She looked sad.

I don’t know what had happened before she stepped onto that shuttle.

I don’t know what she was carrying that day.

But something about her expression made me want to acknowledge her.

So I smiled, looked her in the eye, and simply said,

“Hi.”

Her entire face lit up.

We started talking, and after a few minutes she quietly admitted she had been feeling lonely lately.

When it was time for her to get off the shuttle, she turned to me and said,

“Thank you. You brightened my day.”

I’ve thought about that conversation many times.

I didn’t solve her loneliness.

I didn’t change her circumstances.

I simply made space for her to feel seen.

The Greatest Gift I Can Give My Children

One of the relationships I treasure most is the one I have with my grown children.

Whenever they call, I try to stop whatever I’m doing.

The dishes can wait.

The laundry can wait.

Even my work can wait.

I want them to know they have my full attention.

Sometimes they call because they’re excited.

Sometimes they’re frustrated.

Sometimes they just need someone to listen.

I’ve learned they usually aren’t asking me to solve their problems.

They’re asking me to be present.

More than once they’ve told me how much that means to them.

Those conversations have reminded me that love isn’t always found in the perfect advice.

Sometimes love looks like putting everything else aside and saying,

“I’m here. Tell me what’s on your heart.”

We Never Outgrow the Need for a Safe Place

The older I get, the more convinced I become that we never outgrow this need.

Children need a safe place.

Teenagers need a safe place.

Parents need a safe place.

Caregivers need a safe place.

People recovering from surgery need a safe place.

Stroke survivors need a safe place.

The person sitting beside you in church.

The cashier at the grocery store.

The lonely neighbor.

The coworker who quietly carries more than anyone realizes.

Every one of us longs for someone who makes us feel accepted instead of judged…

heard instead of hurried…

encouraged instead of criticized.

Someone who reminds us,

“You don’t have to pretend with me.”

That’s when I thought back to what my counselor had taught me about Circle of Security Parenting.

Although it’s often used to strengthen the relationship between parents and children, I believe its

message reaches much further.

No matter our age, we all need people who become a safe haven when life is difficult and a secure base

that encourages us to keep

growing.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized…

That’s the kind of person I want to become.

Jesus Was a Safe Place

One of the things I love most about Jesus is that people seemed drawn to Him.

The hurting.

The lonely.

The overlooked.

The broken.

They felt safe enough to approach Him with their questions, their fears, and their failures.

As I think about that, I realize becoming more like Christ isn’t only about what we say.

It’s about the kind of person we become.

Someone others feel safe approaching.

Someone who listens before speaking.

Someone who offers grace before judgment.

Someone who helps people feel seen.

A Question I’ve Been Asking Myself

Lately, I’ve been asking myself a different question.

Not…

Who can I fix today?

Not…

Who can I impress today?

But simply…

Who can I become a safe place for today?

Because I’ve learned something I hope I never forget.

Most people don’t need us to have all the answers.

They don’t need perfect advice.

Often, they simply need one person who makes them feel safe enough to be honest.

Safe enough to cry.

Safe enough to celebrate.

Safe enough to hope again.

Maybe that’s one of the greatest gifts we can give another person.

Not because we changed their circumstances.

But because, for a little while, we helped them feel seen, heard, and deeply valued.

And sometimes…

that’s enough to change someone’s day.

Maybe the greatest gift we can give another person isn’t having all the answers.

Maybe it’s becoming someone who feels like home.