My Coma Story: Fear, Silence, and Survival Against All Odds

Content Note: This post describes medical trauma, stroke, and what it feels like to be in a coma. Please take care while reading.

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Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be in a coma?

People often wonder what it feels like to be in a coma. Can they hear you? Do they know you’re in the room?

The answer, at least for me, is: kind of.

Let me take you on this surreal journey.

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The Day Everything Changed

On Tuesday, October 9, 2018, my life took an unexpected turn.

We were in the middle of moving. I woke up already feeling the weight of work. Family responsibilities were pressing down on me. I was hit with an intense headache, the kind that strikes like lightning, but I brushed it off as stress.

That decision to keep going turned out to be life-saving.

When I arrived at the office, the headache worsened. I heard a loud, maddening buzzing sound. My vision blurred. Nausea churned in my stomach. I tried to call my husband, but before I could, I collapsed. Somewhere deep inside, I knew I was having a stroke. You can read the full story of that day here.

My right side felt weak and heavy. I forced my body to move. I dragged myself toward my boss’s office. Help came quickly. An ambulance rushed me to the hospital, and my condition continued to deteriorate.

In the emergency room, everything became a blur of lights, voices, and beeping machines. I was placed into a medically induced coma and life-flighted to a neurosurgeon who would ultimately save my life.

There are two perspectives during a medically induced coma:
the watchers and the one inside the coma.

This is both.

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Inside the Coma: My Experience

I remained in a coma for almost a month. My body was still, but my mind wasn’t.

In the dreamlike world I entered, I believed I was in a car accident with many of my family members. I kept thinking:

“I can’t wait to see everyone and make sure no one got hurt.”

Then the hospital curtain opened, and suddenly I did see everyone, my mom, sister, kids, husband, aunts, uncles, cousins. Relief washed over me because they all looked okay.

But when I tried to get up, I realized I was strapped to the bed. Panic set in. I tried to yell, but my voice disappeared into silence. And then, one by one, I saw them turn and walk toward the exit.

They were leaving me.

And I had no way to call them back.

Just when I felt completely alone, I turned around and saw my first husband, Jeremy, who passed away in 2004.

In my coma-dream, he looked right at me and said:

“Keep fighting. Keep calling for them. Don’t give up now.”

I was so tired. Exhaustion felt like a heavy blanket pressing down on me. But he kept urging me to keep fighting, to not quit.

The next thing I remember is my youngest son hiding under the hospital bed. In real life, he was 15 at the time, but in my dream, he was about 7. He kept begging me not to leave him. I remember the ache in my chest as I told him:

“I’ll never leave you. I just really need to rest. I’m so tired.”

He cried and begged, and I kept reassuring him that I would never leave him.

And in that moment, that love tethered me to life.

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Side Notes

1. Jeremy passed away in 2004.
2. This dream felt so real that when I woke up from the coma, I frantically asked someone to check under the bed, convinced my son was hiding there

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The Watchers: My Family’s Vigil

While I was lost in a haze of dreams and voices, my family lived through a waking nightmare.

Only two people were allowed in ICU with me at a time. Everyone else waited, prayed, and cried in the ICU waiting room, my husband, kids, aunts, uncles, cousins. My mom and sister couldn’t get to the U.S. from Prague until December. So, family held the phone to my ear. This allowed me to hear them speak to me.

The Journal

They kept a journal, filling it with love, fear, and hope. Some entries read:

“Since you were a little low on blood, they gave you some. You have a fever, so they took samples. You now have a breathing and feeding tube.”

“We are all leaving today and it is killing us. You weren’t responding to anything at first. However, when I called your mom and sister and they talked to you, your left hand really started moving. I know you know when we are here.”

“Today they put in the tracheotomy. You’re still fighting a fever, and your blood pressure went up. They started you on medications to regulate it.”

The Quiet Moment I Woke Up

My husband held my hand. My children tried to be strong, even as their hearts broke seeing me like that. And because I had been life-flighted six hours away during a move, sometimes my family had to travel home. They knew I would want them to keep going. They carried the weight of not knowing if I’d wake up.

And when I finally woke up, it happened to be one of the few moments when no one was there. A family member rushed to my side. I don’t consciously remember it, but subconsciously, I think I did. It even appeared in another dream, one where I was back in college with my niece.

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Where Dreams and Reality Met

In my coma-dreams, I believed the people were in a car accident with me. They were the same people actually by my bedside, talking to me. They were loving me and urging me to live.

I believed my youngest son was under the bed, and in reality, he was often right beside it, whispering through tears:

“Mom, please wake up. We need you.”

And although the lines between dreams and reality were blurred, their love reached me. Their voices reached me.

I believe presence matters.

Love matters.

Your voice matters.

And if you ever experience sudden thunderclap headaches or stroke symptoms, please seek medical help immediately. I am grateful every day that I did.

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Let’s Connect

I’d love to hear from you:

• Have you ever experienced a loved one in a coma?
• Do you believe voices and presence can reach someone unconscious?
• Have you ever brushed off symptoms that turned out to be serious?
• How do you think you’d react in a sudden medical emergency?
• Have you ever had a dream that felt so real you thought it happened?
• If you were in a coma, what would you want your family to do?
• How can families support one another during a medical crisis?

And…

Future Topics

• What parts of my journey would you like to hear more about?
• How can this blog better support you?

I’d love to hear your stories. Have you faced a moment that changed your life?

Thank you for reading and being part of this journey with me. Your support means the world. Let’s continue lifting each other up and inspiring one another. 💛